The Adventures of Mary Sue
by Renee3
Summary: Mary Sue's dream comes true. Only now she's not sure if it just might be a nightmare instead. R/R please! :D
1. Before we Begin

**

Before you begin

**

"Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;  
Persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished;  
persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. 

BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR, Per G.G., Chief of Ordnance. " 

----Mark Twain, Huckleberry Finn 

Good. Now proceed. 


	2. Through the Looking Glass

"Oh, Kitty! how nice it would be if we could only get through into Looking-glass House! I'm sure it's got, oh! such beautiful things in it!"   
--Alice, Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carrol 

**

Prologue, or Chapter 1, whichever you please

**

"Bored. It's boring around here. I'm bored." Of course, talking to the ceiling cracks, was a sure sign of boredom. Either that or insanity. And of the both, Marie was not entirely sure which was more accurate. She considered her options. 

Firstly, to continue talking to the ceiling cracks. Secondly, to simply stare at the ceiling cracks. Thirdly, to count the ceiling cracks. 

Oh! The variety that came to one during the holidays! She settled for talking. 

"It's two more hours to Slam Dunk reruns." She announced loudly, trying to make it seem as though it were a mere 120 minutes, 7200 seconds more. Which it actually was, but that was not the point. She'd sort of lost the point anyway, that was what tended to happen when she got bored. 

Frankly, even the reruns had become boring. She could memorise the whole script! Plus she'd already played them a million times in her head, which sort of got kind of boringish too. 

"It would, be fun to read fanfiction, I guess, in a boring sort of way. Only they always pair 'em up with each other, or with some other chick. I'm sure I'd make a better girlfriend. Don't you agree?" 

The ceiling cracks could look awfully sympathetic when they wanted to. 

"I'm going to enter the world of Slam Dunk. And do whatever I want. I shall be queen of the boys hearts, steal all of 'em and whatnot, because my beauty shall outshine everyone. But I'll refuse them because I love only one." 

The ceiling cracks nodded in silent agreement 

"But kindly, of course." she added as an afterthought. 

Marie could be determined if she wanted to. But only if she wanted to, and that was not too often, on account of her being a wimp. 

//---------------»

Haruko stood in front of a copy of Slam Dunk manga no 1. (She'd have gone with the TV show, only it was on in an hour's time) Then she moved a bit, and you could see that Haruko was really Marie dressed up like Haruko. She'd smudged her makeup, and that meant she didn't look like Haruko any longer. 

She hoped books were easy to fool. But they should be. On account of them being books and all, they came from trees, right? And trees came from seeds which sometimes came from bird-crap, according to her Science teacher. She wasn't too clear on that point, since her science teacher wasn't too clear herself anyway. 

Should she click her heels three times or something? She wasn't too clear on that either. 

"Excuse me," She asked, in what she hoped was a Harukoey voice 

"I'm sort of lost, but maybe you could bring me back in? I got thrown out by mistake." 

Nothing happened 

"Please?" 

Nothing happened. 

"Or I'll rip you up and let the dog chew on you." 

Nothing happened. She looked up to the ceiling cracks for comfort. They seemed to be getting larger. And larger. And then smaller, and oh so far away... or was she getting smaller... 

"I hope I don't miss the show." 

And then she was in Slam Dunk. 


	3. The Adventures Begin, and we get a limo ...

"Anyone can escape into sleep, we are all geniuses when we dream, the butcher's the poet's equal there." 

--- E. M. Cioran, The Tempation to Exist 

**

Chapter 2

**

The first thing to do, of course, was to invent a suitably beautiful name. Marie just would not do. She'd be.. um... Isabella Faith and she couldn't think of a last name right now because her head was throbbing. She'd landed on a bush, and not a very thick one, at that. 

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore..." she said, mimicking Dorothy. But what the hell, Dorothy had magic boots and a dog, whereas Isabella Faith had a throbbing head and was not entirely sure she was not in Kansas. But then on the other hand Kansas didn't have very hot looking Japanese guys either. Not like the guy who was helping her up. 

"Excuse me?" he frowned his very hot looking brow, which was rather normal. After all, you don't see Mary Sues dropping from nowhere and talking in perfect Jap about Kansas everyday, at least not in the Slam Dunk world. So Sendoh was suitably confused, as you or I might be. 

"Hi! I'm Isabella Faith Yamaha. (She'd been thinking about motorcycles and pianoes)" 

And then she sort of remembered that she was supposed to be all aloof and cold. So she withdrew her hand when he stuck his out to help her up, which was really rather rude, but apparently the more rude you were the more intrigued the Slam Dunk guys got. 

Sendoh was starting to get slightly worried. He thought that maybe the knock had unbalanced her, in which case she should go to a doctor. He was about to enquire about her current mental state when a guy in black pushed him aside. 

"Move it, move it, out the way, don't touch Ms Yamaha!" 

Ms Yamaha was quickly pulled off the ground, checked for broken bones, and hustled into a wonderful sparklinglyish white limo, which retained its sparkling state although it had sloshed through dirty puddles with its 7 litre engine. Being a Mary Sue had its perks. 

-----------

"No daddy, I'm not okay. I've lost my memory, because a truck ran me over while I rescued a doggie. Who am I?" Isabella was having fun. She got to live alone in a condominum penthouse, and was currently on the phone (Nokia 7210, the lucky pig) with her millionaire father (inventor of chewable lipsticks according to the security guy) 

------------

Of all the wonders the condominium contained, it hadn't contained the very useful alarm clock. So now she was more than slightly late for school. Her first day at school, Shohoku high. 

"Geeky school clothes made to look hot? Check. Ravishing hair in order? Check. Sparkly teeth? Check. Perfect cold ice cube look? Double check!" Oh this was rather fun. Now to go and get her guy. 

Unfortunately, the security guy was out getting coffee, and the driver was somewhere inaccessible (he'd gone to the loo), so she had to run. 

Which rather ruined the newly aquired cool queen of ice look, since running to school tended to make one look very flustered, and not aloof. 

She flashed a winning smile at the teacher, smoothed her hair, and was introduced as Isabella Faith Yamaha, a new student at Shohoku High from America, they had to be kind to her because although her mother was Japanese so she spoke Japanese, she had lived in America all her life. She also had perfect hair, a perfect figure, a perfect face, great teeth, and eyes that changed colour according to her mood, somewhat like a mood ring. Only the teacher didn't mention that. 

She did a catwalk down to her seat and listened for whistles by the guys and sneaky comments by the girls. 

None came, however. It was most depressing. Here she was, the damn MARY SUE for heaven's sake, and no one seemed to care so far, besides the security guy, and that was because her father paid him. 

The teacher began to talk of cubic equations, and Isabella began to think of plans to steal all the Slam Dunk boys hearts. She twirled her jet black hair with one lovely finger, and sucked on her pencil end, it helped her think. 

The golden sun turned from a rosy red in the east to a white hot globe in the afternoon sky, and school ended. I suppose schools are basically the same the world round, so it was emptied at an alarming rate, except for Isabella, who was studying the map on how to get to the gym, and one other guy, who was fast asleep. 

"Excuse me. EXCUSE ME. He-lloo in there. Knock knock, anyone home?" Someone was being very annoying and knocking on his head. 

"No, so I guess you're dead, right? Sheesh. Now look. My wit is being wasted on a dead guy. This is way unfun." That annoying person was going to die. Just as soon as he opened his eyes, and he didn't want to. 

But wait. He didn't have to. 

"OW!" Isabella lurched back, clutching her bloodied nose. She guessed, correctly, that she had just met Rukawa. Of course. Mary Sues inevitabely ended up in his class. 

Mary Sues did not get bloodied noses on a regular basis, and neither did they bawl when it happened. And if you happened to be a Mary Sue, Rukawa was supposed to wake up and not say sorry but go off to the gym and you were supposed to scream after him and follow him. 

Only Isabella's nose happened to hurt real bad so she went to the school nurse instead. 

She tramped the school halls with a bandaged nose, not dreaming of revenge on Rukawa, but of how icky his drool had been, and how hot he had looked while drooling icky drool. 

It was while trying to look at the bandages by closing one eye that she bashed into a wall. Really. She knew Mary Sues were generally supposed to be able to take knocks, but this was a bit too much. 

Only it wasn't a wall. It was Akagi, who helped her up. She let him, since she was really feeling rather woozyish. He brought her back to the nurse, since she began talking about Kansas, and made his way to the gym. It was really rather disturbing, and the sedative the nurse was injecting into her made her rather sleepy too. 

"Sheep. Are white." she announced before she popped off. 

Later, when her nose's swelling had gone down and she was a good deal more collected, she followed the nurses directions to gym. It was not easy to get lost, but somehow or other she accomplished this feat, and wandered around a bit before arriving outside a familiar door, with the lock broken. 

"Ah," she said knowingly. "They haven't gotten that replaced yet. I wonder if Sakuragi had to pay for it." And then she walked in, which was a slight error, seeing it was a changing room and all. 

"HENTAI!!!!!" 

Mitsui's face was a bright red after he yelled those words out, as was Isabella's, just after she slammed the door. On her nose. 

(You know, I've always wondered why the girl screamed when she opens the door on a naked guy. It makes more sense the other way round, does it not?) 

She'd had to make her way back to the nurse, who was beginning to treat her as an experimental gerbil, and giggling as she applied cold compresses this time, instead of pills. 

It was no joke, this Mary Sue business. 

Thanks a lot, mskitsune and unchained and snowfall. You have made my day. Really. It's my first fic and I was a little apprehensive. 

No, it's not a Mary Sue bashing, although it might be made an Anti-Mary Sue. 


	4. Efforts not Entirely Gone to Waste

""Don't take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive." 

--- Warren Miller 

**

Chapter 3

**

Isabella Faith Marie Yamaha was tenderly stroking her dear little nose. It was a good thing Mary Sues seemed to end up on top most of the time, although some tended to die a tad sooner of cancer than living to a ripe old age with the man of their choice. 

Hang it. Cancer. It was a most troubling thought. Her efforts would be completely wasted if she only died in the end. But Isabella was an optimistic person, and she was very good at the selective memory sort of thing. 

And anyway, the day had not been a completely wasted one. She'd met Sendoh, Rukawa, Akagi, and Mitsui so far. And she had seen Mitsui naked. Which was something not many Slam Dunk fans got to see on a regular basis. 

The rock she was sitting on gave an alarming creak, and she lurched forward into the sand. It was a waste, she thought, to leave the rock just sitting there like an eyesore. So she lugged it home with her superhuman strength. 

------------

"But Ms Yamaha, where on earth are we going to put it? We might as well throw it away." 

"No," Isabella said slowly, as if talking to an idiot, "We have a ROCK garden on the roof top garden. Put it to socialise with its kind!" 

The security guard submitted, and nearly crushed his feet in the attempts to get it up the stairs. 

------------

The following day started off on an optimistic note. She wasn't late, she came to class looking hot, and one guy asked for her number (albeit because he thought she was Akiko, whoever she was. Anyway, she'd given him _her own_ number.) 

And she had had the most brilliant plan in the world plotted. Or was it the most brilliant plot she'd planned? She wasn't sure, but anyway, it was brilliant, and she'd thought about it all last night. Since aloof didn't seem to be working too good, she'd go for innocent and sweet and kind. 

So she kindly photostated her notes for Rukawa and left them on his desk. (Of course, after that the whole class 'borrowed' the copies and made copies too) 

She'd sweetly smiled at him and blushed everytime he turned his head to face her. (although he happened to still be sleeping) 

She'd even stuck up for him when the teacher threatened to whack his head with a newspaper. (She'd given the teacher a brilliant, winsome smile, and distracted him with her sparkly teeth) 

The day passed all too quickly for her liking, and before she knew it, she'd had to drag her (right then cornflower blue) eyes away from Rukawa's very sexily messed up hair, and put her eyes on her teacher, who could not be sexy simply because he had _no_ hair left. 

"Before you all go, I would like to commend Yamaha for her generous spirit. Not every student would bother to photostat 27 copies of notes for her fellow students." 

A polite round of clapping followed. 

"And Yamaha, please stay back after class, I have a few words for you." 

Isabella was gleeful, Rukawa had just woken up in time to hear about her generous spirit. 

His icky drool was actually in his hair, which was gross, but she supposed she'd have to get used to it, since she wanted to be exchanging saliva with him on a regular basis. 

Then there was a usual stampede, and a gleeful Isabella went to talk to the teacher. 

------------

"Please, please, take a seat." the teacher gesticulated wildly toward a chair. 

"Yamaha, before we begin, I was just wondering... Could I call you Isabella?" The teacher put his hand on her knee. 

Eww. Gross. 

On the other hand, it might just be the time to practice her refusal speech, you know, the one for refusing all the guys since her heart belonged to only one. 

Unfortunately, the teacher didn't seem to want to take 'No' for an answer. 

Fortunately, at that moment, a guy came in. 

Unfortunately, he thought he was interrupting a usual teacher student talk, and went back out. 

Fortunately, the guy's rather slow brain turned on, and he walked back in. 

And the teacher hastily got up and ran. He knew not to get on the wrong side of this guy. 

"Hey, you okay?" 

Oh yes, Isabella was more than okay. Here she was looking at Sakuragi, a really underappreciated hottie, and he wasn't naked, or like a wall, or asleep and dead to the world, or worried about her mental state. 

Hell, yeah, she was okay. 

"Oh! You SAVED me from that HORRIBLE teacher!" she fluttered her eyelashes becomingly. 

"Nyhaha.. Well, I guess I did, didn't I?" he rubbed his head, looking pleased. 

"Oh you MUST be a basketball man. You're so strong!" 

"Nyhaha! I am! I am the Sakuragi Hanamichi! One and only tensai of basketball!" 

"You just HAVE to show me where you play! It's so... (flutterflutter) ... cool!" 

It was actually a well known fact that Sakuragi Hanamichi happened to be thick in the skull. It accounted for the fact that he missed her advances and also, brought her to the gym. 

I have absolutely no idea why I am uploading this. Maybe to get more reviews. It is tres possible, that. 

Only I think the general idea is to give adequate space in between to intrigue your readers (this sounds an awful lot like the general manner of chasing Rukawa), but of all my many virtues, patience is not featured. 

Maybe I should say something like "give me 50 reviews or I shan't continue", only you might not cooperate and then where would I be. It's an awful unfair world that does not allow one to threaten and get away with it. 


	5. The Really Short and Slightly Useless Ch...

Normally there is the quote thing here. But just in case you are thinking about asking me if I hate Mary Sues, or What Then is The Point, here's what I have to say. 

I told you so. I told you so. I told you so. Don't start looking for a motive, or a plot, although a point or two may be permissible. Please. If you want the whole point, motive, or whatever, _I'll give it to you_. _Right here_. 

I can't stand to fly   
I'm not that naive   
I'm just out to find   
The better part of me 

I'm more than a bird   
I'm more than a plane   
More than some pretty face beside a train   
It's not easy to be me 

Wish that I could cry   
Fall upon my knees   
Find a way to lie   
About a home I'll never see 

It may sound absurd but don't be naive   
Even Heroes have the right to bleed   
I may be disturbed but won't you concede   
Even Heroes have the right to dream   
It's not easy to be me 

Up, up and away away from me   
It's all right   
You can all sleep sound tonight   
I'm not crazy or anything 

I can't stand to fly   
I'm not that naive   
Men weren't meant to ride   
With clouds between their knees 

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet   
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street   
Only a man in a funny red sheet   
Looking for special things inside of me 

It's not easy to be me. 

"Superman", Five for Fighting

I don't think you will get the point, but it is there, I have done my job and delivered the punchline. This entire fic was based on this single song. 

**

Chapter 4

**

The gym was very nice and 3Dish. It was good to see Slam Dunk in 3D terms. 

And of course, it was even better to see the love (or in this case, it was actually 'loves') of your life in 3D, doing cool dunks and cool dribblings. 

She sat down outside and tried to look sexy and cool too. Picking up a stray ball, she pretended that she was only here because the ball was stray so she needed to return it. 

"Excuse me, but you guys have this -uh- stray ball. And I'm only here to -uh- return it." Yup, that was the ticket. It was back to cool and aloof and icecubey again. 

"You can put it down there." Akagi was slightly huffy from being interrupted from one magnificent gorilla dunk. 

So Isabella had to put it down on the exact same spot she'd picked the ball from, and then squat down and pout. (hopefully becomingly) 

It was in the middle of trying out Pout no. 5 (Bottom lip extended 0.5cm, curled 10 degrees, top lip relaxed) that the competition came. 

------------------

"RU! KA! WAAAAAA! PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER AND WHAT DO YOU GET?!? RUKAWA RUKAWA RUUUKAAAWAAA!!!" 

It was most annoying. First of all they'd all shown up, decked in full attire, and in full force. She'd tried glaring at them in her most bitchy manner, but they'd been too busy with screaming to notice. 

And now they'd gotten themselves, PLUS herself, locked out of the gym by 1. A very annoyed Gorilla and 2. An even more annoyed Hanamichi. 

Nice going, Rukawa Brigade. They'd just ruined all the progress she'd made, she reflected bitterly. But then again, optimism came in full play again, and she skipped off toward the general direction of the beach (she hoped), since there was bound to be a rather pretty sunset in an hour or so. 

It was good to be an optimist. 

------------------

The wind always blew very nicely in Slam Dunk. It curled around your hair, caressed your face, and tempered emotions. It was never too strong, blasting your face in adversity, neither too hot or cold, and freezing or bringing no relief. 

Like I said, the wind was nice, and so was the beach. 

It was all whitey and sandy and you didn't get wet because the tide was really nice and curled back when you wanted it to. 

It was a good place to go when there was little niggling doubts in your heart, or if you simply needed a break from a screaming mob of fans of a really hot basketballer guy. 

Other people seemed to think it so too. Not a 100m away from her stood Sendoh, fishing on the pier. 

Things were looking up by the second. 

Well, that was really short. Sorry. But I'm completely burned out by orientating the Secondary 1 students in my school. They are a sorry bunch. I swear I'll write a lot more next time. 

If you are one, you had better fully comprehend the extent your seniors went to make you orientated. (",) 

And now I shall proceed to reply to everyone who reviewed because it makes me feel all cool and egoistic. 

snowfall: Mary Sue bashing is all nice and everything in its proper place, but no, I swear I'm not bashing a Mary Sue. Maybe a fake Mary Sue, but no, not Mary Sue.   
mskitsune: Thanks :D   
unchained: Hooray! I changed it to fantasy. Clever me.   
Eliar Swiftfire: I read it. rofl rofl rofl!!!   
Ju: Why not? because I don't want to :p Superhuman strength, yes. Mary Sue tends to come packaged with it.   
lambie: No... not a real Mary Sue. A fake one. And it doesn't really matter if you don't review constructively! I don't either! ^5!   
hibari: Yes, Mary Sue sucks.   
diwata: Yup.   
Dinette: You pig. I *know* you know I know you read it. Now, review or die. And, m'dear, Pippin is MINE. Bwhahahahaha! 


End file.
